100th Post: I am not Olivia Newton-John

I saw that it's my 100th post - whoa! Granted, if I was actually consistent with this blog that would have happened a long time ago. Whoops.

Anyway...

You know how a lot of people have an "I can't!" attitude? I seem to have an "I can!" attitude, and that is the reason why the majority of my mistakes are made.

I was running in the park a month ago and I saw this guy with long flowing Michael Bolton hair roller blading. Normally I scoff at the roller bladers, but that day there was just this shiny glow about him. Hair whipping in the wind, jean cut offs flowing, it was beautiful. And I just pictured myself, as Olivia Newton-John in Xanadu, skating around Central Park, with my hair flowing in the wind, with ribbons, and I would stop and kiss random men and inspire them. This circa 1990s Michael Bolton look alike made me believe that I too could be a muse.

I was going home to NC that weekend so I decided to pick up a pair of skates. I used to love skating as a kid and thought it would be no problem.

My center of gravity has shifted since then.

Yeah, so it was a struggle to skate. I bought Hailey a pair and she struggled even more. It was basically me pulling her around. But I started to get the hang of it again, skating around the smooth surface of the garage, so I thought I could maybe try it in Central Park.

I started reading about inline skating and realized that I was being a bit too cocky and accidents happen, so I ordered some padding. Everything finally arrived on Saturday, so today I decided to finally try it out. I knew that I would struggle a bit, so I figured early morning Monday the park would be emptier.

I was wrong. So very wrong. 

The park was the most crowded I have ever seen it. I sit down and put on my skates and padding on this sidewalk area close to the road path, this way I could skate by benches and hold on to them if needed. It was ridiculous. The sidewalk was so bumpy. Ten feet later with a bunch of old women walking past me laughing, I was ready to quit. The entrance to the road was still like 300 feet away.

I almost fell like ten times, but it took me like five minutes to get all that padding on, I had to be out on the skates for more then two minutes. Finally FINALLY I make it to the road and start skating.

It was smooth. I could do it. Slow. But I was doing it. I started getting more confident. People still looked at me strangely, but it was like "I'm gliding here!" 

The road dips into a slight down hill, or so I thought, and I figured I'd turn around before I got to that part. Again, I was wrong.

The down hill happened so gradually, and then I realized, holy schnikies, I'm going downhill. I am going downhill, and now I'm going fast. So fast. So very fast.

It was the most terrifying experience. I was picking up speed, I have no earthly idea how to use the brakes on my skates, and even if I did, I was going so fast the brake would have catapulted me.

I thought I was going to die, like I was going to crash and break my whole body. Usually when there is plane turbulence I make peace with death, like if God wants to take me now, that's fine. But this, this, I brought this on myself. My stupid hubris for thinking I'm so great, I can rollerblade will be the cause of my death. This was avoidable, this is completely my fault. How humiliating, I'm going to die from rollerblades. I'm gonna be that weirdo chick who thought she could skate with ribbons in her hair kissing men, but actually couldn't, and crashed into a horrifically embarrassing death. People would come to my funeral and think, "Why the freak was she even roller blading?" I literally thought all of this when it was happening. 

I was careening down hill, near tears, so panicked, and I just tried to stay as upright as possible, and eventually the road evened out and I was able to slow down. I have never felt such relief and gratitude. 

Then I had to skate uphill to get back. The road was a lot bumpier than I remember going down, when it felt like a slip n slide. When I slumped on a bench, people were looking at me like how pathetic is this chick in her full gear, but I didn't care. I was sweaty, shaky, and so glad to put on shoes without wheels.

The lesson? I'm not doing that again. I'm gonna find a flat road, or an indoor skating park. I like roller blading, but that was too humiliating and terrifying.